Luke 9

As I was praying today the Lord showed me something.  My big frustration has been how surrendered I have been and yet the Lord has not come.  The life the disciples had and the fellowship they had with the Lord has remained a mystery to me.  And as I prayed today the Lord told me, "In reality Mike you are not surrendered".  I am not talking audible voice here or anything but one of those things you know he is saying to you in his grace and mercy.  And so I persisted asking him to show me what it was that I had not surrendered because I was sure I had surrendered everything.  I felt like the rich man who came to Jesus confessing that he would do anything he had to to join in the kingdom.  Jesus then showed this man that he was not as willing as he thought.  I felt like God was showing me the same.  And then he showed me that I was not willing to die to what I want.  I have been deceived into thinking I am so surrendered and I am in actuality not.  A better illustration would be Luke 9:57-62.  These men were probably good people who did good things.  They were obviously good family men, who provided and took care of their families.  They probably contemplated the things of God and were intrigued enough by Jesus to come to where he was teaching, and bold enough to approach him and confess their loyalty to and admiration for him.  But the real issue here is not that they were rebuked and unwilling, but that they were deceived.  They actually thought they were truly surrendered and willing to give up everything, why else would they have approached Jesus with such confidence and boldness?  And it is not that they had sin or bad things that were pulling them away, it was simply the fact that something, anything was pulling them away.  Whether or not something is wrong that distracts us is not the issue, it is the fact that something is distracting us.  No matter whether it is "good" or "bad" is of no consequence.  Anything that distracts must go.  And this is what God was showing me, I am these men.  Not in my turning from Jesus and walking away but in my deception of being surrendered.  We must pray and pray specifically and pray with perseverance until God shows us where we are not surrendered.  And then pray and ask him to strengthen us to overcome and surrender.  We can't do it alone, and prayer is our key to enlist his help in the matter.